How do I get their attention when online dating?


I know it is often tempting to just 'wink' at someone when you find them attractive on a dating web site. But chances are, if you found them even slightly attractive - so did someone else. What you need to set yourself apart and send them an email. And I'm not talking about the one that is super generic like... "I saw your photos, you are really pretty, I think we have a lot in common. Let me know if you think so as well." What you think you have in common is what - that they have an email address and so do you? That you are both online? Copying and pasting one generic message after another isn't going to get you very far. And it is so obvious! You aren't fooling anyone.

What you need to do is actually read their profile. What is he/she into - hobbies, sports, movies? Do they have a pet? Do you share a passion for travel, watching football every sunday, dancing, cooking, etc? Write an email that makes it clear that you have read their profile and are actually taking the time to write them a note (not a novel!) about something you share.

A great start "Dear XXX, You mentioned you love rock climbing. I've been taking lessons at the philly rock gym. Do you have any tips for a new climber?" and sign off with your first name. And put a recent photo in your profile.

Have a comment on my advice or some additional insight? Share it below.

Do you need some free dating advice? Email your questions to support@integridate.com.

 
 
 
 
Comments:

I totally agree with you, however, as much time as I spend crafting a smart and interesting email, I still get no response. I'm talking about people whose statuses show "online now," or "active within 24 hours" regularly, so they are paid members.

I have current pics. While they don't do me justice, clearly I'm cute and not a heifer. Still, no response. Is it difficult for men to send a "not interested" email?

so that's the quandary. Does one spend time crafting an email as you suggest or just send a quick "check out my profile and email me back if interested" if either one will get you no response?

Posted by doubleuxyz on January 28, 2007 at 08:47 PM EST #

Have you sent many emails? There is always the chance that the person you were writing isn't even a paid member of the dating web site and just isn't getting the emails. I know for example with Match.com - when you aren't a paid subscriber - you get an email that "someone" emailed you - but they don't tell you who or what it said. Its their new marketing approach. Get you curious enough to join.

If you are interested in sending a sample email and a guys profile name - i'm happy to take a look and give you some input if you want. This whole thing is time consuming isn't it? Also I'd be happy to look at your profile if you want.

Posted by kittykatty03 on January 29, 2007 at 01:09 PM EST #

Photos are so important. We live in a media rich environment. You just have to have a good photo.

Posted by wonderjess on January 30, 2007 at 10:52 PM EST #

Yes, Have a good photo ladies. Not a picture of you in your sweats either. Actually you shouldn't have a pic of you in a bikini either (unless you are looking for that kind of attention). Nor should you be hanging on a guy or guys with a beer in your hand.

I go online to see if I can really find someone that I can't find at the local bar. Obviously I wouldn't need to go online if I was looking for that.

I also wish some of these sites would make it a little easier to distinguish between paying members or free profiles. Otherwise you waste your time putting forth the effort for the "stand out" email for nothing. A waste of time as kittykat said.

Posted by stjmnsota on February 02, 2007 at 11:47 AM EST #

"The soul never thinks without a picture"
Aristotle

Yes, GREAT picture is important.

Posted by revo on February 05, 2007 at 07:22 AM EST #

About that good photo....you need to be the main part of the photo. I mean it's great that you go rock climbing...just make sure the photo isn't a tiny image of you on a huge rock. We want to see your FACE AND YOUR BODY.

Posted by Jess Davis on February 07, 2007 at 05:34 PM EST #

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